Sunday, December 13, 2009


What does it feel like to think about any thought in the world and know that no one cares and no one understands you or your thought? OHHH....... (Sniffles) I know... No I am not having a melt down I am sick..... I want to keep it as real as possible.

What does it feel like to be that person you've made inside your head? That person that is completely secret to your imagination ...... this person we've made to live out our dreams to keep us from hating what our creator has made....... Do we see that to be a failure? Do we see what mommy and daddy have made by way of the all might ( WHO EVER) is a failure? Can we say that we are happy to be what we have grown to be with out complaining or wanting something other then what we have?
I will leave you to think about that ........ or me to think about that ........ if any one is even reading this .

Friday, August 21, 2009

I love thunderstorms

Ever since I was child I loved thunderstorms when I couldn't go out side and play because we was packing or simply because my parents didn't feel like taking us out I longed for the rain. When it did rain I use to think the world was crying with me and that the world knew what I was going threw. I never thought that the lighting or thunder was scary because I thought that was the way to make more tears for the world. My mom and sister love to see the sun and see the trees and see the birds chirping I never liked that because I felt that the trees was letting their rage and their tears come out too. Some times I would want to sit out side in the rain and just look at tears fall. I got sick sooo much that I couldn't risk it because I have asthma and I get pneumonia about every time I would get sick so I would just watch tears fall on my window. Maybe why I loved the rain so much because the tears felt like mine and it never changed when I was sad I would see clouds and wish it would rain and at the end of the day it would. I love water I love rain I always will no matter what but I feel that is my most favorite. I will stop here I may add on I don't know but umm...... bye !

Thursday, August 20, 2009

To come into one's self

When I read or hear people say that I have come into one ( brought themselves higher) I have to say that I envy them. Why? I feel it's that they have control over their lives and they can bring themselves higher ( This struggle of day-to-day life). I never thought that bringing myself higher simply means that it is all down to me. When I say it's all down to me I mean that no one can do better for me no one can tell me that it's ok to take the journey to be more then what I feel I am. For many years I would look back on my life and see how I wasn't in control of "my" life. It was only last year that I did make the choice to stop eating meat and do more for myself and I have to say that "my" life is more controlled.

I feel that when I made the choice to do that(Bring myself higher) it was to break the chains of my family, all those years and generations of family has no control over me any more. I don't have to be in the kitchen I don't have to look forward to a man completing me. I can make the choice of completing me all by myself and I don't need money,fashion,approval or some one holding over my head that they can teach me what I already know. To come to the point of learning life's simple lessons is great and I like that fact that I did this, you know? I don't want to seem like I have an ego but I had the choice to do something to better me, even though I had laziness and other emotions of mine to hold me back I still did it and that is the best feeling in the world.

I think I will stop here because their are more things that I feel still need to be addressed and I am working on them so when I have worked on them I will let you know!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Today and forever more

Today I was thinking about my life, and what I mean about my life is. I have traveled all my life, traveling has become apart of my blood, and I have to say my life was showing me that I need to do more. While I was thinking I couldn't stop but think that I'm not following my dream all I am doing is putting it to the side. My dream has always been to travel to Africa and help the people there, but it seems that dream is so far away. I also thought about something else (the feeling of being alone) this feeling is something I have had in me ever since I was a baby. This feeling isn't something some one can fix this feeling is a whole in me. I was sitting on my bed thinking about this the other day and I was trying to find what was it that was missing in me. I never got the answer that I was looking for. I feel I should tell ya'll a little bit about me so that maybe you can have an idea of what I might be looking for.

I was born in North Carolina ( Greenville) I never stayed, my parents snatched me up and they was on the road. My parents are not like you regular parents, you know when mom gets mad at dad he sleeps on the couch it was never like that. I can't really write what my life is like because you would have to be here in order to know. I will try my best to tell you, I never really had friends and when I did try to make friends I left town before they knew it. I think my best friend has always been me my sister and the skies. I've learned to go in my own world when I am traveling because my parents (father) never really stopped so I had to learn how to not go to the bathroom all the time and when to eat and when not to eat. I can go all day not eating and about half a day not drinking. I also learned that silence has always been a good friend too because silence never threw an attitude at me or judged me or anything. I think the best thing I know is change, because change has happened all my life so I know nothing else but that. Change is a gift and a curse, its a gift because when you long for change it happens and it a curse simply because their are things you wish would just stay the same. I guess life is just doing its job (to stop and watch things happen is more of a learning experience for me).

To me I feel that whole is something that has meaning in my life something that I will love to do for the rest of my life. I hear some women say that a man came in their lives and completed them. I can't say that because I am not looking to rely on a man to complete me I'm looking for me in general and I feel that for me to do that I need to fly on my own and be free to know what that is (to be me). I know that I might not be making sense at all but to me its me trying to fill a gap you know?

The only way I can explain is if you read this book I love and its called " The Alchemist by
Paulo Coelho ". When you read this book you will know what I mean, because in the story its about a boy who wants to travel( say that's me) and he feels their is something out there waiting for him. His father (say that's my dad) wants him to stay wants him to follow what they feel is a better life, so he ( the boy) just leave to find what ever it is he is looking for in him. When he does travel you get to see how his journey wasn't a picnic in the park their was ups and downs. until he became so much more then he could have ever imagined. I want that I want to know what it feels like to be in "Bliss" in total control of my life and the things that are positive and negative. I feel that's what is needed to fill this large gap in my life because I feel that will be the biggest "change" of joy for me.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why do you travel is your parents in the service?

When ever I am talking to people (online) people always ask me (after I tell them about my story's of on the road) " Why do you travel so much? Is your parents in the service( army)? Umm ok like why does my parents have to be in the army to travel? Their can be other reasons why my family and I travel so much. Then I get people saying " ok then whats the other reasons they travel?" Then I am stuck because I really don't know what to tell them, see with my parents when you tell some one what you said they get very picky with the info you tell others (people). I get people that say " Are your parents hippies or something?" I have to lash back at them because well this

#1. They are saying that I can't have a reason to travel other then some one else giving me a reason. I mean what the hell is with that?

#2. I look over and I have to keep to the guid line of my parents or else they will have to (clean up my mess) as they say.

I mean I don't want to be mean but I have met alot of people on my travels and I am not the kind of person that likes travel groups. I mean I really, really don't

#1. The people that are in the group never shut up.

#2. They ask you 101 million questions ( personaly I am not chatter box when it comes to my personal life)

#3. Every one thinks they can look threw your bags to find theirs, well I never had that but I have heard of people who do that.

I like to be alone 96% of the time to be with myself and alot of people don't get that so instead of telling them to " SHUT THE HELL UP AND WALK THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!! " I give them a chance to talk to me and if I don't talk backs then you know I'm not in the mood to talk. I'm not rude I am a very, very , very respectable person so I will give you a chance to say whatever you have to say but please zip it.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Traveling and vegetarian eateries

I have been to almost every state in the USA, half of them I have been to I lived in. I wanted to share a few tips on vegetarian areas and how to travel safely. ENJOY! :)

I have been traveling ever since I was born and I can say that I know a lot about what to do were to go and what to eat. this past trip I went to California so me being a girl I have to be extra alert. I feel the five best things to do is......

1# Always listen to your heart, if you don't feel safe in a place or around people then stay away (that is your best bet).

2# Always pack extra of every thing, you can never be to sure, their can be things you can need more of then others and instead of buying it you have it.

3# Eat and drink very light, I know personally me and my family hardly ever stop so I really don't eat a lot or drink. Maybe a sip here a munch there but not much.

4# Keep away from dark and scary towns, I never stay in a place that gives me the willies.

5# This is the most important rule of them all never and I mean never go to a gas station thats dark or in the middle of no were, always stay in a very bright, bright gas station were everything is done by machine.

There are more rules but I will write those some other time right now this is a start. I think the best thing to do when eating is stay around foods that hit the grease or you can make on your own. I have been in places were fast food is all you can eat (even tho I am vegetarian) so I get french fries. I think when ever I am on a trip I never really get relaxed, because I am not home this is more of an alert thing then anything else.